Of open doors and windows...

He was cycling fast and harder. He had to reach there in time. The scene of how he pulled out of his bed, jumped around his room and got ready as fast as possible were as much flowing through his mind as were the searches for shortest ways to reach there. He had, till then, somehow controlled his tears. The matters got worse when it started to get cyclonic, and then there was a drizzle. "No wonder, it is gonna turn into a heavy shower to make it even more hostile for me", he wondered.

He was losing hope to make it to his destination. Traffic jams, heavy downpour, shortcuts failing to live up to their reputation, and cycle, which he thought to be a fast ride, remaining to be what it is, all of these were adding to his despair. As he was riding the bicycle, he was transported to a similar situation he faced 6 months ago. He could visualize that scene in front of him. A feeling of Deja Vu, as they say!!!

A lot was going through his mind, which in effect were unknowingly slowing down the speed of the peddling, he was gradually losing the vigour that was prompting him to try a wee bit more to reach to his destination. His subconscious mind had given up already. He was riding just for the sake of it. He came to know of it when he realized that he has suddenly become more observant of the happenings around him and less bothered about peddling the two-wheeler.

The deja vu experience was all the more killing his interest to pursue riding the cycle anymore. It was as if he knew what is going to happen next. And as per that he knew that he was not going to make it in time. 

Trivia like the the guy selling lemon water seemed interesting to him. He found it kind-of-nice, the way the boy gained happiness out of every penny he gained. The kids playing cricket in the adjoining park, the footballers, everything seemed so worthy to him that he did not realize that the rainfall had stopped. 

It was as if he has been dragged out from his bed for the purpose of being woken up. The deja vu experience, owing to which he had thought the same sequence that happened 6 months ago would be repeated had betrayed him.

He realized that it was dream that he was living with open eyes. He rode, and rode fast. Whether he managed to take his exam or not is completely inconsequential in reference to what he learned that day.

His subconscious played down on him. The things became worse for him not because they were situationally so, but because he was quick to climb to the conclusion that he was experiencing a deja vu experience, and lost the will to help himself. The moment he decided to handicap himself, was the moment, he actually handicapped himself.

He lost the vision, the sight that a determined person sees, the open doors and the windows...

Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough.

-Randy Pausch