Talking to the heart

In the peace that night brought with itself, I had started to revel, for that was my only solace in a foreign land. Language was a huge barrier and I was looked upon as being "not amongst them". That hurt. Initially, a bit, then a bit more, then a bit more and a bit more every passing day.

It started with a bedroom, a bathroom, a small kitchen and an equally small balcony. That was out of choice, so every compromise was met with dignity and a smile. I cooked, washed and cleaned. It was all good until a day when I realized that my desires have increased. Seemed alright. Started hunting for a spacious apartment, a cook, a maid.

Two weeks later, I fulfilled my wishes. And I had the night to my company again. Wisdom got to me every night until I fell asleep. 9 out of 10 people I met, I couldn't communicate with; but I can stamp my authority and say that at least 4 out of those 9 liked me because they'd make terrible fun of me and I won't retort. They derived pleasure and I frankly didn't care beyond a point.

As I stand on the verge of my 27th birthday, I couldn't question myself any less. In which moment did I decide that I had to travel thousands of air miles and stay away from my loved ones?
I thought I possessed the attitude of a rebel and that used to give a further push to the adrenaline. Taking this decision then gave me the silhouette of something outrageous, and hence I had to go ahead with it.

Now, I tell myself everyday that this adventure was worth going for, in the hope that I'd be convinced one day.

Who is your angel?

I had reached a stage of utmost despair. I could feel myself wrecked inside out. Things like why are children shouting so much, had started to get ounces of my attention. Incessant rains started to annoy me no bounds. Inspirational quotes no longer seemed to be anything more than unnecessary philosophy.

In a whirlwind, my life was tumbling down. When I started plummeting into my own, is a question I'm yet to fathom. Every morning, I used to wake up feeling a maniac who hated himself a bit more each moment.

I would take the liberty to say this if nobody hasn't already said it before, "Hiding doesn't mean evading. It just goes on to emphasize how mature you are to explore options when doors are all shut and windows do not open!"

And that's exactly what I did. Hid myself. My phone number gave "switched off" messages all the time. Except my family, no body knew I was out somewhere away from home in a pursuit towards self.

For the first time, I celebrated my birthday alone. A desolate soul in isolation would break anybody. At least that's what I used to believe. It was when my philosophy took a beating that I realized what an irony life itself is. That birthday spent in solitude sent my confidence two notches up and in a very strange manner I felt that the downhill fall had faced some resilience finally.

The instinct in me was coming back. Something was telling me that the journey uphill was challenging and the road discovered was hard earned. What was that voice?
Well, I never pursued an answer to that.

I focused on not losing something that was hard earned. It was time to go back home. While I was coming back, a particular thought kept crossing my mind, time and again. How many people would take the pain of rediscovering themselves by being put to such hostility.

I had my parents who gave me my struggle. Who is your angel?

A transition and a void

I felt a strange kind of peace that day. Life had been rushed and I hardly found any time to be one with myself. Suddenly, there were no phone calls, my laptop had been on hibernation since 10 hours, no loud music was playing around, a certain sort of void was creeping in. The feeling that you get when staring endlessly into a white board or a black slate. It seems like something is building up but effectively nothing is happening. A phase of life was nearing it's end. I couldn't wait but time would just not pass as if waiting for a light flicker before a final whoosh, out of the book.

I wanted to see if birds still perch at my balcony, if kids outside still play 'Hide n Seek', if TV channels still show the same reality show at 9pm, but I knew what was holding me back. Many of human tragedies have been a result of fear that finds a comfortable cushion in holds of our subconscious. I too had one.

The fear of these small things, those birds not being there, kids not lingering around, TV showing something I was not familiar with. So what it really meant for me if all these things changed?
While I was away making a mark of my own, the world was changing over. The impact I made seems effervescent, already lost in the transformation. I am nascent again. Should I start over again, and what if my world changes again?

May be I know the answers to the why's and what's and how's but still choose not to act. What once started as self-propeller is giving way and treading the easier. How I wish qualities persisted throughout, even when the pursuit is aced. Notwithstanding these, answers are still sought, for the good of me. Me, in a world left behind, but he's catching up. At least, there's a desire.

The Next Big Thing

The interview was going to be published in the next monthly edition of non-arguably the best-of-the-time magazine "The Next Big Thing". This magazine had shot to fame due to the eccentric nature of their ace interviewer, Rini. She interviewed the recent hot shots, who were being touted as the next big things that were going to happen.

 

Rini herself was the first person to be interviewed for the magazine after a massively successful stint of four years at radio jockeying where she grabbed the best RJ award twice amongst the plethora of other recognition she had. Soon after she was chosen to be the lead interviewer that threw open the giant fortune gates for the magazine.

An interview in the magazine meant a step closer to hearts of the wide audience it catered to. The concept of the magazine was that people from different avenues like sports, art, theatre etc. who have come up over the last month were hand-picked, shortlisted and interviewed. There was a "Star of the Show" section which was exclusively held for the individual who was the best of the lot to watch out for. Ofcourse, Rini was the interviewer for that section. The questions were direct and could be personal at times. The stars who indulged had to be of great mental strength to divulge themselves in front of thousands of readers.

Zahir couldn't sleep the last night and his eyes had no signs of sleep-deprivation as he stood in front of the office he was going to be interviewed in. Moments after, Zahir was waiting in a cool air-conditioned room, with all the paraphernalia neatly and meticulously placed around him. Rini entered the room and both of them greeted each other warmly. Rini's questions were no stereotype but she made sure her guests shared the comfort she felt inside the room. The interview was kick-started:

Rini: Your debut novel is a major hit. You've already reached households. There has been news of many movie makers trying to get rights of your book. Tell us something non-wikipedic about it.

Zahir: When I was writing this book, there were moments when I felt whether this would be a hit or not, whether this would be received well or not and all such sort of things. I must confess that these were distracting and initially road-blocking. There were numerous occasions when I felt blocked to write anything. I had stopped reading altogether, wasn't even reading newspapers. I think I had written 80 pages when I thought it won't work out and stopped. I got back to my old routine. I read anything that I got, newspapers, online articles, bureaucratic essays etc. It was then that it came to my notice that transcripts from my blog were being stolen and published on numerous sites and those got huge accolades. It pissed me off for a while. But what that also did was gave me the requisite impetus to pick up what I had relinquished. I read all the 80 pages, re-wrote them and further. When I look back today, that act of plagiarism by strangers who somehow had a humongous viewership instilled the lost confidence in me. I believe this book is a result of that. That's how it is.

Rini: Interesting, certainly non-wikipedic. You said that you had stopped reading altogether when you were writing this book. How necessary was it to stop reading?

Zahir: Very much. In the early days of the writing of this book, I did not feel the need to cut myself off. As a result, my writing was very distracted when I later read it. I realized, when I had to sit down and re-write those 80 odd pages, that I was getting far too trivial than what I set out initially. We are impacted by things around us and it is almost natural for us to derive inspiration from whatever we see and experience. Writing a book meant swimming to the depths of characters and a relentless search for diamond in a gold mine. Unfortunately, all these things don't happen in the real world, regularly.

Rini: Diamond in a gold mine! (laughs)

Your Wikipedia page says you were a blogger prior to the release of this book. Did the success of your blog made you get into writing a book?

Zahir: Well, my blog wasn't even a hit to be honest. There were people who read it but the number was very limited. Like many other bloggers, I too faced a problem of viewership. I changed the design of my blog, I started reading many other blogs to establish links but after a point of time, it became too cumbersome to spend so much effort into selling yourself. There were only some countable people, on and off the blogging world who went all out with me to envisage this dream. Their expectations kept me going.

to be continued..

Pursuit.

A trek inhibited. Prophecy of a landslide owing to disheveling rain. The group was receding in a hope that they be swift enough to escape in time.

En route the narrow passage downhill, slipped she, to what could've been a final fall when he caught her hand...

...to an escapade, a trek and a journey.

Black and White Diaries

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 42; the forty-second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is "COLOR"

An artist less recognized, a child less loved, a friend less cared for, Vyom was everything you won't want to be. At 24, he was still in the third year of his engineering. His seniors who were once his batch mates used to make fun of him saying that he has been wearing the same clothes since his first year. He did not have enough dough. Perhaps he never got pocket money from his parents. He didn't use to mingle much. He never ragged juniors when all his batch mates derived pleasure out of it.

When I entered college, he was my senior. He had a raw appeal on his face and his ear-to-ear smile was childlike. It was through a mutual friend of ours that we got introduced. Slowly, I got to know Vyom better. He would talk a lot on messengers but generally lived a low profile routine in a place where everyone owned a kingdom of their own.

Vyom was a step child born to his father's illicit relationship with another woman. One day he woke up and found out that his parents were no more. There and then, ceased the existence of a 'family' for him.

He never wanted to mention it but I could see right through his heart. He was happy because he had no one to advice him anymore. He could be the self made man he always wanted to be. Just that he hadn't had enough dough to sustain his living.

For his "first year" clothes were all that he could manage by selling off his paintings. The paintings which could only be a result of a master's stroke. He would go to a nearby NGO and put his paintings on exhibition there. For every 100 bucks that the painting earned, he would be paid 70. Vyom's paintings were a hit though. One day he exhausted his painting colors and he couldn't paint anymore. His earnings had dried up. He won't take a penny from me. He said he did not want to take on liabilities. I was happy for him to not return the money but that used to intensify anger in an otherwise calm person.

The irony of life was such that when his paintbrush asked to be fed, he did not have enough money to feed himself. We used to walk in a lone part of college. That is where I found peace. We had started to hold hands. I would tightly entangle my fingers with his and hours would pass by, just like that.

One day while we were walking, he disentangled our fingers and ran up to something. I followed him. He turned around and signaled me move away. He was doing something on a large folded paper he just took out from his pocket. At a distance, it was me looking with sufficient perplexity to lead to hysteria. After a while, he called me to witness a moment of unfathomable truce. Lying in front of me was a sand painting and sitting besides it was the artist.

His earnings were going to come back. He kept looking at the painting. The red sand, the fine pebbles and the yellow dust and an A1 size paper. That were the only paraphernalia he now required. His eyes were beaming.
"Necessity is the mother of invention", he came in line with it, the hard way.

Now if you ask me about myself, I am about to graduate this year and Vyom would take at least one year more in all possible likelihood (if he completes his engineering!). In the coming two months, I'm going to be out of this town, probably far away from Vyom.

Once I'm gone I don't know if he'd care. He has grown up in void of any company. I recently was away from college for a week. There was indifference in his attitude on my return. His tears have dried up and his expectations from anyone are at a bare minimum.

The other day when it went from breezy to windy to raining, we spent time in the shelter of a broken warehouse. We kissed before parting and he uncurled my tresses. Till date, that remains the most passionate moment I have with him.

From his black and white life, Vyom filled colors in the life of an imperfect girl diagnosed with Vitiligo.
I would now depart to enjoy all my time with him. We never know what tomorrow holds. But for now, in his company, I have learnt some painting too.

A large crowd, very exuberant, very enthusiastic, a horde creating all the buzz and....

A man amongst the boys!

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Participation Count: 08

Random whims and fancies

Shallowness.

So much so that nobody cares anymore. Happy to go with the flow. That tide once in a while which used to matter is now lost somewhere in time. People who love you would come and tell you what they have learnt from life. Take a cue (really?).

An extreme moment of anger. And then an almost compulsive playing down. Why? Because anger breaks, never makes? And what about the positive sides of venting anger out? An optimist will see that, and those who claim they are should apparently sight that too!

Not a materialistically destructive person but if I break things harmlessly that should make me feel good. At least I'm not hurting others. (Oh Please!!)

Shallow as I say. Shallow!!

Run. Come on. Faster. See, that lad who is 10 yards behind you is catching up every moment (which is technically 90 seconds, did you know that?). And we follow suit. Almost naturally. Justified because we're competitive. Don't answer me, ask yourself. Once. Twice. Again. One more time.

Randomness is very much a part of everything we do. But that in no way means we go for things yielding us the best perceived expected value. (This is stats by the way, expected values and all)

I have tears in my eyes. But you won't see it because I am not crying out rightly. And it would need a pure soul to go beyond the realms of hypocrisy to gauge it, or may be a very loving soul who sees it right past my heart.

And I don't care about the rest, may be I do. Sigh. Such is life.

#11 Curtains!

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--At Krish's

The expectations of Arjun's arrival faded slowly, but surely, like the night. The next morning was the day before the engagement. So, as Krish naturally remained busy meeting the guests and relatives, the pandit informed Krish's mother about the auspicious time when the mangni should take place.

Krish, whatever little time got in between was generally on phone with Isha, the girl he was going to get engaged to. Rishi and Jeet were busy in catering to the arrangements. They were a part of the family since childhood.

While the world was busy lazing like a log on a Saturday morning, the scene was not so tranquil at PanchSheel, Krish's residence.

3:45pm: Jeet and Rishi smiled as they on-looked Krish talking on the phone again.

"3rd time in the day! What do you say?", chuckled Jeet.

"5!", said Rishi as both of them involved themselves in a modulated laughter .

"Bastard! Smiling and talking on the phone while we work our ass off for his engagement.", Jeet spoke as he continued to look at a relaxed and unperturbed Krish still fooling away on his phone.

"Never go to a house before the day of the engagement. Lesson learnt!", Rishi joined Jeet as someone called for them.

Some more work. Both of them looked at each other in what we could be called a mutually-annoyed-gaze lock before they bid goodbye to their 15 minute break. Kriti, who was watching them from a distance, nodded her head and smiled as she continued to speak to Krish's cousins.

--Arjun

5:00pm:  He shut down the lid of his laptop. His neck pained and eyes hurt. He was working hard since early hours of the morning. It'd been a stretch of 10 hours. He seemed like a man on a mission.

As he lay down on the cozy bed of the lavish gigantic suite, he could see the clock ticking past every moment. A plan was on. A plan to take a break from the imposed exile. When?

Meanwhile, Arjun was up again. Much like the silent calling of his brothers, his work too needed attention.

--At Krish's

8:00pm: At PanchSheel, the commotion had slowed down as dusk took over. Thankfully enough for Rishi and Jeet, who took their own moments of solitude to send their gratitude to the Good Gracious God. Krish's phone was discharged (Handset also had it's moments of solitude finally!).

Dinner was going to be served soon. Jeet checked his office mails while Rishi and Kriti were in a riveted conversation about spirituality and karma. Krish, high on life, just smiled at his childhood buddies as he again tuned up the volume of his I-pod's music.

11:00pm: Dining was done with and the comrades gathered at their favourite hangout spot. The terrace was surely calling them. Krish was thrilled about the engagement. There's this moment in your lives when your brother-like friend is endlessly telling you about their lover and love life and you (being still single!) have to sport a smile to all the unbearable mushy stuff.

Once in a while Rishi and Jeet would look at each other only to look at heavens and to Krish again. Arjun's arrival hopes were diminished. Rishi and Jeet mailed him a day back. There was no reply.

--Arjun

 11:40pm: His laptop was back in the laptop case. The day's job was over.

Arjun put on his black leather jacket, muffled himself and prepared himself for the set out. Krish's residence was 20 minutes away as Arjun decided to walk, and sprint. With that, Arjun left the suite.

The roads were narrow as compared to the huge and broad street ways Arjun had grown increasingly familiar to. There were a few people walking and a couple of drunken men fighting over some issue but Arjun in his head was leading a very hush-hush operation.

PanchSheel was now in his sight. Arjun slowed down naturally. His eyes were welling up as he moved closer, yard by yard. To bother anyone in the house at midnight was insane. He'll climb up to the terrace, he had already made up his mind.

In a matter of few minutes, Arjun was standing in front of PanchSheel.

The security guard recognized the fourth comrade and a smile from Arjun meant first of the many reunions to occur had taken place. Arjun inquired about his mates and before the guard could give a heads up, the boisterous laughter from the terrace had Arjun have his answer.

Arjun raked up quickly through the paraphernalia available for his climbing assignment.

Ladder. No. Too low an adrenaline rush. Rejected.

Rope. No. Too high an adrenaline rush. Rejected.

 Climbing the pipeline. Check. He was underway in a manner too swift for his age.

A moment of silence on the terrace meant Rishi, Krish and Jeet suspected something fishy. 

Krish rushed to the side of the terrace. And as he bent down over the side of the terrace, his head collided with a head inside a hood climbing up and he retracted.

Rishi and Jeet beamed as Krish recollected himself.

The hood was unveiled with eyes glistening underneath.

They say matches are made in heaven, well, moments too are, and it was one!

                                                                                       *  *  *  THE END  *  *  *

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Note from the Author:

And concludes a chapter from the loves of Rishi, Krish, Arjun and Jeet that took me with them. Yes, I would have loved to know it more, know it after this. That story is waiting to be told too, in a more voluminous form. Well, Yes, may be.

I often wake up in between a beautiful dream and try sleeping again in the hope that the dream would continue from where it left me the last time. It never happens. Never does!

A dream with closed eyes is not a vision and as Rosabeth Moss Kanter says, "A vision is not just a picture of what could be; it is an appeal to our better selves, a call to becoming more."

Hope and wish to have you all again when we embark on the further journey with Krish, Arjun, Jeet and Rishi. Till then, value your dreams and don't stop dreaming if you haven't found one!

#10 Veil Unveil

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--At Krish's

Kriti could see tears welling up in their eyes as Jeet and Krish held each other in a tight embrace. Rishi joined them and it was a small happy family. No wonder, it was long due. To add to the moment, it was those times of the year when the city was breezy and nights promised to be your soul companion.

As thunder followed lightning, Kriti left them to celebrate the reunion but not before she arranged for them another crate of beer.

Three old mates from three different cities were reveling as they indulged noisily on the old familiar terrace. Comrades were together again. Maddening streaks of laughter were interspersed in between the sane few. They spoke about how lives have changed vis-à-vis stepping on to the corporate arena. Their discussions switched swiftly from work to relationships to sex to marriage et al.

Of course there were moments of silence too. They formed smoke rings as they looked down from the terrace towards the vacant never ending road. It was telling. Don't be deluded by what seems the destination. What it seems is nothing what it's like. One could sense it, an ear was being lent. They were enjoying the journey more. They had paused and were hitting that Enter key every now and then. Chapters were being scripted.

They talked about Arjun too. And followed was an air of discomfort. Rishi, who generally had the right words even for the most dire scenarios was at a loss of syllables. A tear might also have been shed, nobody knows.

--Arjun

It was time for him to give rest to his laptop and to himself too. He slid open the balcony door as he lit up a cigarette for the first time since he vowed to give up smoking. Working in the backyard of your best friend's engagement and not being able to meet him; the feeling was getting to him.

He wanted to go and meet Krish, Jeet and Rishi but the moment he came to answering "When?", he was forced to shut the noise inside his head and keep mum yet again.

"A day's too much to spare at the moment but", Arjun cut his thoughts amid. Time wasn't an iota of reason why he was so flummoxed.

There were speculations in the market about Arjun leading a heavy duty M&A project. Him being sighted in India was only going to boost those. As much as Arjun hoped that Krish wasn't in the company which is a stiff competitor to Arjun's, truth wasn't going to be flip of a coin.

He feared that. Being present at the engagement was out of question, thrown in the dusk air, like the cigarette shell Arjun just got over with. The night bed was calling.

Krish's engagement was to be the day after tomorrow. Arjun had only a night.

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Krish, Rishi, Jeet and Arjun, all looked at the empty road. Though the angles were different. While for Krish, Rishi and Jeet, marching past were the best days of their lives; Krish hoped that the time would rush through. None of it to be.

In fact, it's these myriad of perspectives that make life and this world a big fat conundrum.

to be continued..

#9 Jeet and Arjun arrive

A dive into what has been happening..

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10:20 pm

Jeet landed in India to the warmest reception from Rishi. It's an unusual delight you can observe to see two old friends together. Rishi was an avid reader and was fiddling with the pages of the new book that he had in his hands. Jeet never forgot to do these small gestures.

"Do we take a taxi to Krish's?", asked Jeet, disturbing Rishi from the spell that the new book had cast over him.

"Oh yes, I've booked one. Let's go!"

Jeet was feeling a strange sensation as he landed in India after three years of exile, the one that he served relentlessly. The two got in the taxi as it hurried past the lavish and extravagant Delhi airport.

"So, how does it feel coming back to India after 3 years?", Rishi asked as they went past from one red light to the other.

"Somethings can't change here though", retorted Jeet as he looked towards the small kids cleaning the windscreen of the vehicles on the signal at their own will. Ladies with their kids tied around their waist as they begged for alms, and some individuals selling fancy goods like devil horns and Harvey balls.

Both of them looked on as red turned to green and their vehicle sped away. Krish's place was still an hour away as both of them engaged in catching up with each others' lives. Time flew and so did their manned vehicle before it came to a halt outside Krish's place.

"Krish would be tired after a whole day of trivia he had to participate in.", remarked Rishi as he took out Jeet's luggage.

"I'm sure he would be. Do we meet him tomorrow morning?"

"Well, I think we can bug him anytime. Moreover he'd be ecstatic having you here. He isn't really expecting you now  with the engagement only 3 days away."

"By the way do you remember Kriti?", Rishi spoke again.

--Arjun

 Arjun's reception in India was much colder than Jeet's. There was luxury and comfort of the best cars in the world but not the warmth and affection of a true old friend. He comforted himself in the luxurious spacious car waiting for him. The chauffeur driven car took him to the grandest of hotels.

He spoke to himself that Krish would get engaged to Isha in the next few days. Knowing this and being in India, he would have to let go of the engagement. Afterall, he had to do 50 days of work in 3 weeks.

He put himself together, shun the emotions and immersed himself in die hard work. Something that took his mind off the other things. Slowly the day gave way to the night and Arjun submitted himself to the cozy well made up bed. As he lay down, he opened his personal e-mail account after a long long time.

There were a plethora of e-mails. From Rishi, his parents, his sister, Isha and Krish. He embarked on reading them all one by one. When did sleep embrace him was a question he failed to answer every morning ever since he became a professional.

Arjun knew he was close to his comrades. If only he could break free!

--At Krish's

Jeet and Rishi climbed up the stairs leading to the terrace as Rishi reminded Jeet of Kriti. They placed Jeet's luggage in the room Rishi was staying in and decided against waking up Krish. Jeet was dying to go up there and revel in the lap of the terrace. They dashed open the door to the terrace.

"Krish"

"Jeet"

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The four of them were in the same city, finally.
Krish is totally unaware. A huge surprise is waiting for him, and a bigger shock may be?

Arjun is not able to find a way out. Is this going to be his realization of how a failure is going to feel like?

And has Rishi struck a chord with Kriti?
Answers are sought.

But we must not forget that rain and storm may both clear the sky, it is the windy day prior that clouds the sky!

to be continued.....

#8 And the circle is reducing...

A dive into the previous parts

#1   #2   #3   #4   #5   #6   #7 

--Arjun

Arjun opened his mailbox to a flurry of confidential mails, the last of which summoned him to a conference room. He did as per the commandment. Little did he knew that terms and conditions of his travel were to be made known to him, on a specific note this time.

He entered the room to the presence of very critical members of the organization. The meeting saw the well dignified guys flex their heads. Many issues were discussed and towards the wee hours of the rendezvous, Arjun learned about the intricate details about his odyssey to India.

He was a tad disappointed. His plans to surprisingly sneak into Krish's engagement were taking a dig into a marshy ditch. The meeting was over and everybody dispersed leaving Arjun stroll back to his cabin with utmost pensiveness.

Arjun was to fly that evening. Krish was to get hitched in 5 days.

--Jeet

Jeet picked up Rishi's call. Rishi generally had an ease in his voice which would placate the angriest of souls. Jeet could sense the miss. Though Rishi only inquired about his arrival which he was unsure of, but there was more to it than being just a normal whereabouts phone call.

Jeet was flying to India the next day. Rishi hadn't informed Krish about this yet.

Enigma has a charm that no one relishes to unleash. It's a delight if you unfold precariously.

While back home, Rishi was left to the company of Kriti for a major part of the day. They had started interacting more since Krish used to be busy. Rishi asked her for a beer at the terrace in the backdrop of a soulful night and she couldn't disagree.

So, they were up there drinking. To an onlooker it would contrastingly appear that silence was being dished out. Unspoken words were being heard, acknowledged and respected. The hue of the night and the sound of the breeze making a hissing sound flew past the ear. It was magic.

Once in a while they deftly touched their bottles and it was falling in line with the rhythm of the natural hypnotic orchestra. Once in a while, they also chanced glances at each other. Sometimes they caught each others eye, at others, they didn't.

They never spoke about Kriti's fanatic search that enveloped something else that fell in the realms of anthropology. But one thing is for certain, when two individuals warm the terrace sill sharing a silent compassion for each other, memories are carved and moments are registered.

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Sky meeting the land is apparent but an ocean meeting a desert defiantly challenges the boundary of realism. But miracles do happen. They are amongst us, only if we have an eye that beats the hawk's and a desire that constantly ignites the fire.

As the circle engulfing these lives starts to reduce it's radius, will it manage to not let tangential movements off?

I'll wait to see!

to be continued....

#7 Lives were un-spiraling

It is always good to glance through what has been happening till now to get hands on with what is going to happen next. The previous parts to this story are linked here:

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With Krish being the centre of most of the rituals, Rishi had lone time to spare. Though on most occasions he liked to keep himself busy by helping around.

"Come Rishi let's go to Krish's room. I need to find something.", remarked Kriti as she pulled Rishi by his hand. Rishi had no option but to go with the flow as they climbed upstairs to Krish's room. Krish's drinking partner when he felt lonely but didn't want solitude, Kriti was Krish's childhood friend and knew Krish's comrades as well as anyone else.

Kriti slammed the door open as Rishi followed inside. She knew exactly which thing was where and started her search. The problem with Rishi was that he was an avid observer. And the fact that it came naturally to him. Kriti was a simple and extremely sweet girl. One whom your parents would always like and probably your friends too. She could dress up beautiful and dress down hot.

Rishi however observed more. He had enough experience in that domain to conclude that Kriti's fanatic search had less the element of urgency. Rishi could have confronted and asked her "What's wrong" and she couldn't have invalidated it. But Rishi left that for some other time. Rishi anyways wasn't one of those who would not care about making you uncomfortable for getting out the truth.

--Arjun

Arjun looked up his calendar as he booked his flight tickets to India. It was going to be a 3 week long project and Arjun being the lead had to stay there during the course. Though Arjun thought that he would probably sneak in as a surprise at Krish's marriage but little did he knew that bigger surprises were waiting for him in India.

After numerous negaotiations and multiple communication, Arjun was decided to be the most capable person to lead a high on risk and high on confidentiality project, so much so, that Arjun's travel was also to be kept a secret.

A Mergers and Acquisition (M&A) deal, by its very nature is supposed to be very private.

 --Jeet

He had spoken to his family for the first time in three years. He had decided to go to India for his best friend's engagement. Life was un-spiraling for Jeet. For the first time in years, his work-out partners had noticed a happy man working out rather than a man who was always out to have the world at his feet. His parents however were content with listening to their son's voice after three years. They were not expecting him to arrive at Krish's engagement anyway!

Jeet was at work, engrossed as ever when his phone's notification lights indicated of Rishi remembering him. Though on any other day, Jeet would have given the call a miss, but that day he answered.

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Their lives were starting to un-spiral. But is it all that smooth!

True, a rainbow is formed as heavens rain and the sun shines. I see a hover of dark clouds but only a storm could give rise to a clear sky.

to be continued........

Lessons that stay!

I am sharing what 'I Saw and I Learnt' at BlogAdda.com in association with DoRight.in

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A day that usually begins with chirping of birds and enthusiastic cries from a group of children riveted in an intense play would on any other day end in a tiresome 2-hour commute. That, on any other day.

The start however was ever so consistent in its manner, the end got a bit distorted. We increasingly develop and attach strings to our routines. So, this aberrance in the 'end ' wasn't received very nicely.

I was sipping water from the glass when my mother answered my question. Tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke.

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The number of people in the park started to reduce, in inverse proportion to the increase in time as clock ticked towards 8pm second by second. Those were perhaps the last rounds as dusk lurked. My Dad who has developed this habit of going for evening walks was walking his rounds too. 

A young kid strangely started to circle around him. Dad did notice but didn't pay much heed. As a part of the plan that it must have been, suddenly another guy (must be around 30) jumped in from behind the bush and caught my father by his neck. Pulled him back and twisted the neck. As my father was going unconscious his hand touched the older guy's trouser pocket. A knife it must have been.

The next thing he knew was lying in a ditch-shaped structure with injuries to his chin and nose and a strained neck.

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A feeling of angst and paroxysm emerged as I heard the story. Never had I seen my father speaking with an attitude and a voice as inexplicable as that. For what my dad's safety meant, I thanked God, would merely be an understatement. That attack was more a mental one, than a physical one.

Of course he lost his cellphone which I had gifted him (from my salary; the cellphone meant a lot to him) and a bit of cash but what he did not lose was his undying spirit. Within a few days, my dad was up and walking in the same park amidst the same crowd. Despite the repeated piece of verbal caution thrown at him by me and my family, he refused to give in.

Obviously he is more observant and circumspect now but he won't simply shy away by acts of terror which are coward to the core. And unknowingly, he passed on to me two very key aspects to this whole encounter.

With age not on his side, he maintained a sense of calmness by submitting himself on observing a knife. Something the youth in me would not have done and ultimately resulted in a dual blow of brutal injuries and aggravated mental distress to self and family.
As a second and crucial point, he made sure that attackers like such are not lulled into a false sense of superiority. He stayed strong over the period of time and did not give in to the trauma of an almost-murder attempt.

He epitomized what Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam says

Difficulties in your life do not come to destroy you,

but to make you realize your hidden potential and power,

let difficulties know that you too are difficult.

Lessons in life are sprinkled everywhere around us, we need our receptors to be active and acceptable enough. For the two gems of wisdom that day and many more ever since we have grown together, You're my Hero Papa, You're my Hero.

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#6 Decisions made, choices not

 #1 . . . . 4 dots really
#2 Krish's wait!
#3 Of trials and happenings
#4 Now and then
#5 The flashback

Rishi and Krish read through Arjun's mail multiple times. Krish couldn't make himself believe his best friend wasn't coming for his engagement. Times had changed. Rishi knew it oh-so well. 

They did not utter a word, just blankly stared at the screen and at all the ephemerals around them. They did not meet up at the terrace that day. Silence was understood and respected.

Rishi and Krish were in adjacent rooms, awake and thinking of the same thing. Rishi left a couple of messages for Arjun too.

Two rooms lit by a table lamp and two guys getting themselves to learn about a pace that life develops and a race that everyone eventually participates in.

Krish's engagement was a week away. The next few days were going to be busy, hectic and full of rituals. He hadn't heard from Jeet recently. He was starting to have qualms about Jeet's arrival too.

--Jeet

He wasn't going back to India!

He had made up his mind, not with much conviction though. He wanted to meet people he had left behind three years back. He called up at his home. Disconnected.

Dialled again. The phone was answered.

Hello.

Hello... Ma.

Jeet?

The dam gates were let open as tears rolled down from both ends of the telephone line. Jeet was speaking to his mother for the first time in last three years.

That was the only conversation that happened. Jeet disconnected. Telepathy had happened. The barrier that had got erected was broken. His heart was melting, his mind thinking about a decision to overturn.

A decision was yet to be made, a flight was yet to be booked, a wait was yet to sustain.

--Arjun

Something felt heavy inside his heart after he sent the mail which bombed on Krish. Arjun pondered over the choice he made. He wasn't one of those who would think too much about his actions. He wanted something from life and he knew it wasn't going to come easy.

I'll make it to his marriage, engagement, well, let it be!

He thought aloud, clear and succinct!

He was in a fix. You could sense it, you could see it. Arjun wasn't alright. One of his hands stroking his chin, the other one on the back of the head as he lied on the reclining chair by the poolside staring into the night sky.

There is a silence during night which can take away your loneliness and give your share of wisdom. Though Arjun's decision was made, his choice wasn't!

Next couple of weeks were going to be big, very big for his firm and for himself. Arjun was to travel!

India.......

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Life's an act of balancing. Don't be overcautious, don't over-try.

By the time you would understand it, you'll have gone past your time.

to be continued.....

#5 The flashback

 #1 . . . . 4 dots really

#2 Krish's wait! 

#3 Of trials and happenings 

#4 Now and then
 

There was a happy aura around, one could sense it.

Krish's parents smiled as they looked upon their child who didn't seem as happy in the last few days.

Rishi had arrived, and with him did the memories. Also, the smiles and secrets which were waiting to be shared. Rishi was dying to tell Krish about the girl he met in the train, about the cricket match tickets he sold out in black and much more. Soon, they were on the terrace. Evening was slowly giving into night and it seemed like raining in a while.

Rishi's phone beeped, probably 6th time in half an hour.

"Having a busy life?", giggled Krish.

Kinda! Smartphones make it busy, isn't it?

Yeah, I'm sure they do. So many chat messengers, so many friends to talk to!

I still have only three friends Krish. No kidding!

The night was going to be long, and why not, they had a world between them to catch up.

--Arjun

Krish

I won't be able to make it to the engagement man. It is sad to sit here and make this choice as I type. I received Isha's mail too. Didn't have the heart to say no to her invitation for the engagement. Tell her she is a lovely girl. Also tell her that the man she is marrying would hold her hand and walk miles with her.

Love to uncle and aunty.

Hope to see you, Rishi and Jeet before you get hitched for a bachelor's.

Love

Arjun

That send button seemed like an Everest to climb, but he hit it. He was a no nonsense man!

--Jeet

Jeet had other dilemmas. The last time he had a tough choice prioritizing, he ended up screwing it for himself. 

It was 3 years back.

Jeet had just come back from Germany. He went there on an exchange program in the final year of college. He had the world in front of him waiting to be conquered. High on life, Jeet was unstoppable. His teachers were heaping praises of him. However, as life always has it, great things require immense mettle and difficult choice making, in the making!

Jeet's family friends were about to launch a start-up and while Jeet was away, his parents confirmed that he would lend his expertise to help them out. And that as I say was the decision Jeet had to make. He wanted to travel abroad. Followed a round of negotiations with Jeet, persuasions, arguments and impositions.

One fine day, Jeet was gone. Nobody knew where. Not Arjun. Not Rishi. Not Krish.

Two months later, Jeet was in California. What happened in those two months, was he coming back, there were questions only Jeet could answer.

Back home, those answers are still sought!

Coming back to India brought back some not-so-good memories. Jeet was a reticent guy. One who won't argue much but won't give in too. One who would run away but would chase his dreams too.

 And as he thought about his past, he lend a thought to Arjun, Krish and Rishi, and his parents too who had only one child. And whom he hasn't met in 3 years. 

With that he let his flight go. Another day was dawning. Another night spent trying. Another tear shed just like that. Life was happening every moment!

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Sure times were changing and they were trying to fathom it. However, what still remains incomprehensible is the race that everyone eventually picks up. One day we'd realize it's like running on a treadmill. Initially it appears fascinating, we are all charged up but after some time we realize that more the effort we try to put in, the more difficult it becomes to keep pace and it never ends, never!

to be continued......

#4 Now and then

#1 . . . . 4 dots really 

#2 Krish's wait! 

#3 Of trials and happenings

 

--Rishi

Rishi was waiting on the platform waiting for the train to arrive. And he kept gulping water from the water bottle he just purchased from the station. The heat was scorching and biting. Thankfully, the train was on time and Rishi took his time to get inside it letting all the commotion to space out.

He wasn't the kinds who would rush in the moment train arrives. He was patient!

The train started moving and that made him joyous. He loved journeys, more so when he was alone. However this journey was going to be a bit different. His books and him were going to be separated.

Can you please let me know the exact time?

A sunshine face looked upon on Rishi as he moved his head up from his novel.

I need to fix my cellphone up. It is not showing the correct time.

"Sure, here it is!", said Rishi as he handed over his cellphone to the girl.

As the train caught up momentum, so did Rishi and the girl; smooth as silk. Soon there were intermittent giggles, and of course a few bursts of laughter too. That was one fine thing about Rishi. He was simple yet quick witted and humorous. You won't even know when you'd fall for him. A praiseworthy balance which was not only admirable but enviable at times.

--Jeet

His client meeting was underway. For the first time in years he wasn't carrying a cellphone to the meeting. Jeet went about his job with inexplicable ease. That's what he was good at. Delivering when it mattered. His professional life was well ahead course!

--Arjun

He thought of calling Krish and letting him know that he won't be able to make it. That act commanded strength Arjun was deficient of. He had got off the laptop but the other dominating gadget in his life had kept him pre-occupied. For some strange reason, he liked reading previous chats saved in his phone. He just liked it. Krish and Arjun were close and perhaps one would understand the other but Arjun knew this phase of life was less about expecting and more about giving.

--Krish

He was unaware that Rishi was on his way. A happiness was in store beyond the darkness that was hovering over the recent few days. He looked at the moon, that gave him peace. He was happy about the engagement but did not have people to share it with. The moon gave him assurance that things will be fine again.

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Four lives were coupled in a very strange way where a movement clockwise was forcing another anti-clockwise. While Rishi was on his way to recreate old moments, Arjun's dilemma had become multi-storeyed.

That old college night when four of them made promises of staying in touch always was in front of each of them in some form or the other. It was a terrace then that heard boisterous laughter, it is a terrace now that is appreciating silence.

to be continued...

#3 Of trials and happenings

#1 . . . . 4 dots really

#2 Krish's wait!

3:45 to 8:00.

4 hours and 15 minutes of sleep maximum possible.

Sleep was a far-fetched thought that night. Other trivia was more occupying than their appearance.

That was so unlike Arjun. His web browser had zillions of tabs open, generally. He never shut down his laptop for the time it used to take to boot up again.

With the sound of a bell, a small window popped up.

Rishi had pinged him.

Rishi: Awake at this hour of the day?

me: Yes bro. Wassup with you?

Rishi: Everything alright?

me: Yes, nearly. Thinking about Krish!

Rishi: I know man. He's expecting all of us to be there.

me: Will you be able to make it?

Rishi: I asked Jeet the same thing. Haven't heard from him yet. You haven't been replying on the mail chain too. Is everything good?

me: Yeah.

Rishi knew, for a fact, that things were not alright.

He knew Arjun won't be able to make it, so won't Jeet.

--Krish

And he was up on the terrace with his music and beer again.

--Jeet

He had a client meeting tomorrow. He kept himself busy with that not sparing enough time to think about Krish. It was going to be a long night. With rain splashing the window panes forming the music, work wasn't taking a toll on him. Infact, it never did. Jeet was one of those toppers who were always over-prepared. A habit he cultivated in his school days and nurtured during his college days. #theircollegedays

By the way, he booked a flight to India. Just in case..

--Rishi

Thinking wasn't going to help. And Temple run was going to!?

So he thought. The child in Rishi was still there, but he knew when to let that side prevail.

Rishi, though, decided that he'll be going to Krish's. He was wishing Arjun and Jeet also manage like they always did for each other in college.

He booked tickets to Delhi, to Krish's place.

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And with that, the ball was set in motion. Rishi was to leave next evening.

As for Krish, he would have company drinking, and the terrace, well, it would again see it's old companions. Compassionate comrades!

#itwassmiling

to be continued....

#2 Krish's wait!

This is in continuation to the first part in the series..

#1 . . . . 4 dots really

--Krish

The night moved at it's own pace unlike life which was racing lately for Krish. He had to be a part of the celebrations during the day. Night was the only time he had with himself. Neither with the cellphone, nor with the laptop. Just the way he liked it. His beer and the moon to stare. Every now and then, he would think about Arjun, Jeet and Rishi. His companions, comrades as they called themselves.

Krish was going to get engaged soon.

--Arjun

Voice messages; umpteen!

That's how he had made his days to be. Entering his 2BHK apartment, switching on the voice machine and there it went. Playing messages one after the other. He was minting money no bounds, and his days were passing thick and past. So much so, that his weekends were the only time he spoke to his family back in India. He had broken up with his girlfriend. His workaholic nature was taking over like the sand filling one side of an hourglass.

Much like Krish, life didn't seem to stop.

A particular mail chain concerning Krish's soon-to-be-over-bachelorhood kept asking for Arjun's reply. He checked flight tickets everyday, none suited his time table. And to his dismay, he slept off everyday in disappointment.

--Jeet

The priorities were weighing down on the lanky lad, urging for a decision to be made. Back home, his best friend was getting engaged and he couldn't move out of a glass chamber. His fears were coming true, silently, slowly and surely. The reminiscent college days.

Yet again he was against time.

There was eerie silence in his cabin. Continually fiddling with the paper weight, his occupancy was broken by a message on his cellphone. It was Rishi, one of simplest people you could come across.

When are you flying to Krish's?

Jeet had no idea.
---------------------------------------

We often come across situations where there is a predicament much to our annoyance. Decisions become clearer to us when we view them in retrospect. What are we learning as we walk past prioritizing things. Experiences?

As Krish moves towards one of the most important phases of his life, will Arjun, Rishi and Jeet be able to set their lives in the right order or will they just go ahead with the ever continuing flow which refuses to let go.

Life's a bitch, well it is. And you've no idea how much if you allow it to be.


#3 Of trials and happenings

#1 . . . . 4 dots really

--Jeet

All this while he had worked hard; all this while since college. His priorities were clear so decision making wasn't difficult till now. But during the managers' meeting, life seemed to come a full circle for him. For anyone who knew Jeet, it was an easy realization that decision making was once again becoming difficult for him. It was not about work though.

#lifecomingafullcircle

--Arjun

Every time he opened his mailbox, it appeared flooding. Well, that was not new to Arjun. A new lifestyle that had him more on the virtual world than real. More so, after he moved to the wonderful city of New York. A new addition to the already million-subscribed-mails was a mail chain that kept increasing its number exponentially seeming no bounds. Arjun's replies were awaited; sure he was reading all of the mails.

#noreply_yet

--Rishi

The constant radio blabbers and the regular cricket updates on his smartphone. Too much for a peaceful person that he once was?

Well, life had other plans. It takes it's own convenient period of time to make an impact on people. Some give in to the impact, some don't. Neither are one up against the other. In the end, everything falls in place.

An art exhibition, a 10 km drive and cricket match tickets sold in black, all in the past 2 hours. Life was moving thick and fast.

#dejavu #sadreality

--Krish

The lit up house in the rear and celebrations that were paused for the moment.

If that was symbolic of anything! Who knew it better than Krish.

The sound of the beer bottle touching the ground was deafening. There were days when the terrace was occupied by wanderers who sought that terrace as their drinking place. Not to be anymore. 

Being in different time zones suck, he thought.

#hopingandwishing

#2 Krish's wait!

This will all end, someday!

"Someday this will all end. That day when you'll finally see the light of the day, you'll realize that this struggle is planned. And then it won't matter whether you believe in God or not.", I recalled her words as I stood in front of the waterfall outside the cave. Those happy tears were in the remembrance of my partner whom I lost somewhere in the cave in our quest.

The sound of water hitting the rocks with full force was the only thing I could hear. In the lap of nature, that moment was something inexplicable. I turned around to look into the cave; my eyes still searching for her, hoping for her to come back fighting like I did.

"And if we separate in our quest, lead yourself and fight a way out. Just don't give up. Don't think about me. You would encounter the most difficult times to learn that in the end it has to be only you who would lead!"

I turned away from the caves and moved towards the waterfall. Her face, her smile kept coming back to me. She must be battling out her share to get to the light she always talked about, which I never understood then. She must be tackling the unbound darkness inside the cave, the pathways which vow to con you and the terrifying creatures which might just turn out carnivores. All this only if she is alive yet.

"Lets go inside the cave. I know this is risky but after we are through this, we would feel the difference. This is our moment, come on!"

"I have done this before, caves are fun. This is for you. In the end, you'll realize this was the launchpad you require. It'll do your confidence a world of good."

Yes, I have realized, I have come to terms with it. It has helped me, definitely.

Also, that she had never done it before, never been through caves.

It is worth pondering how certain people come into your life and impact it the way you never imagined. I never understood life until I was left alone in the cave and had to struggle for everything, even water. Now I am in front of a waterfall and I haven't drank water yet. Perhaps, I have learnt lessons which are too overwhelming, too profound!

"When the clouds become too dark and the road ahead unclear, just keep walking keep going till the end to see where it ends, and then someday it will all end. That day it won't matter whether you believe in God or not!"