An Inexplicable Relationship...

This period spanning over 22 years has been a ride, and one thing that has stayed with me is my change of feelings for you. Yes God, I want to write this to you!!!

Why has it been so?
Why are you always there?

Whenever I am sad, I so much want a conversation with you. Whenever I have cried, I have called out your name so many times. Why is there so much inclination from my side towards you?

Have I seen you?
Have I met you?
Have I talked to you?

Beyond doubt, these questions attract a simple NO as answers.

I or any human beings for that matter has been so divinely programmed to believe in you, and most of us do believe in you, “include me!!”
I get hurt, I scold you, and I get angry on you for not giving me my due. Not that it minifies my pain one bit, but somehow I manage to have a feeling that you are listening, I can cry my heart out, no matter how rude I may get, I know you will take it.

The other day, I was on the cricket field, our team was virtually out of the contest. Don’t know why I was irresistibly looking up for some diving magic from you.
Years ago when I was appearing for entrance exams, I prayed to you. Why? Well, that escapes reasoning.
Everyday, at my place I light up the temple. I am not an atheist, but not ardent believer either!!!

I love heavenly experiences like a call from an old friend, a 1-year old kid holding your hand in a crowded bus, a smile from an old aunty for being offered a seat in the Delhi Metro. All this is heavenly, makes me believe your existence, but there also are some other instances, some different ones.

A family with a housewife, a 2-year old kid and the husband, who dies in an accident leaving the family all on its own. A destructive tsunami that kills millions and breaks hearts of even more.

I don’t deny the fact that I would always believe in you, but I surely don’t want to meet you.
Some relationships are better off if not held very close. As they say, Distances and separations are also required in a relationship.

A Rainbow With 10 Colors

As I wake up from a much needed sleep, I seem to have woken up in a trance, in a state which is so heavenly. The disarray in otherwise-so-cruel life is seemingly not affecting me and a thought is harking back to me time and again. Everyone on this earth is gifted, with talent, with skills and more importantly with people, with friends.

Ones with whom you can be with, with whom even silence is sometimes so comforting. They make you smile by just walking with you a few miles. With them, you don't think about the time spent, but the hours lived.

As I sit and decide to pen down my feelings, I can almost recreate the picturesque paradise in front of my eyes. I can feel the magic of those 9 people, the ones who were with me for the past 5 days, who made a little holiday appear like a long lovely break.

Today when I close my eyes, I see a train compartment, I see 10 people being all awake throughout, I hear the giggles, I hear the laughter, I see people getting irritated because of them, and yes, I see the 10 of them together!!

Today when I push the door of my room, I see hallucinations of a hotel room, with a TV playing IPL cricket match, and I see 10 people enjoying the bet 2 of them had amongst themselves. I hear the scream, I see a bond, and I feel the togetherness!!

Today when I stand in my balcony and look outside at the park, I see caves, I see structures, I see cotton candies, I see chips and wafers, I see 10 people.

When I open the door of any car, I am illusioned by 10 people already sitting in there who are so involved in themselves that they tend to forget everything else, they forget the world.

Today when I see table tennis equipements, I always see some 6-7 people around it, and knowing it to be an illusion, I can't resist moving my eyes and mind away from that picture.

Today when I stand at the top of a building, I feel myself being in a trolley on a rope way, I see 10 people being instructed for discipline, I always see a lake when looking down from a building.

I see those 10 people make everything seem so beautiful, I see nature at its best, I see waterfalls, I see twilight, I see the late night walks in dark nights, I see the window shopping.

Yes, I know the time has passed and cannot be relived, but people who made it, who made the memories are very much with me, very close to me, so close that they are a part of me. 

This post is for the 9 of you. Yes, we form a rainbow. A Rainbow With 10 Colors.

It was Love at First sight

From where I see, I see it as a case of love of first sight and I know it is so much the same if I choose to see it from where you are. All these years, you have stood with me through times thick and thin, sun and moon.

I know what I was, what I have been these years. More than that, I now realize what you were and what you have been, all these years. I struggled, cried, messed and wanted to so much flee away from all the complexities. And then there was this soothing presence of yours, which taught me all the important lessons of life. There was this love which helped me come out of all the troubles, enduring the pains and bearing the sufferings, sometimes.

I remember fearing dark, I remember fearing those nights

I remember that festival, I remember flying of kites

I remember the morning sun so bright, I remember the shade you provided in such "plight"

I remember the early days, I remember the love at first sight......

Yes, since then, times have changed, so have circumstances, so have people around us, but what has not changed is your love for me, which has been so pure, so true and yet so unconditional. 

I shouted at you, disgusted you, hurled bitter words at you, but what you gave in return was affection, goodwill and love.

I never expressed myself

Was never able to

Tried

Couldn't!!!

I have so much to say, so much to blurt it but for today it is just.....

Happy Birthday Mummy.....

I know you are a lil upset with me, I know, Don't be....

 I love you!!!!

Avoid yaar!!!

Life, a journey, an experience, a teacher, a guide and much more which is beyond the boundaries of explanation. If we take a look at life closely, we surely are gonna find things which we generally don't notice. As we progress in our journey, we get to learn a lot of things, we hold on to some of them. Equally important is letting go of things. There are certain things which are better if left undisclosed, unknown, certain course of action is better is not chosen. Avoiding is as important as the lack of it.

• You might have fought with your mother for no reason, just wonder how important it was, or could letting the issue subside by itself have helped avoiding the ruckus?
• The other day, you and your best friend had a fight due to which you spilled out your anger/frustration on your younger brother who waited all day long for you to come back from college so that the two of you could have a chat, could a more sensible decision from your side have helped?
• Because of being on the receiving end of a mouthful from your boss, you lost your temper on your wife who had somehow kept a fast all day long just for your sake, could a theory of controlled avoidance have helped?
• India did not win the cricket match even after valiant efforts from Sachin Tendulkar, all because some XYZ player made a mess in the end and India lost an all important match, and out of frustration you cancelled a plan with your friends, worth it? something else might have helped, some theory?

These are a few handpicked from our daily lives which reflect the need for controlled avoidance of issues, I use the word controlled because it is not about all the issues, but a few of them which can make life what it is, Easy!!

Though, by muscling our grey cells, we often notice minute details about our life, but rarely are we able to analyze this deep, rather, rarely do we get the time to do so.

But now that we know it, we should now approach situations in a more rational and unconventional manner. Experience and live the mystique of life, the theory of controlled avoidance  

A conversation with The Almighty

He found something unusual in everything around him, an uncanniness in the ambience, the air seemed to soothe the senses, but,..... No, he was perplexed, he tried to decipher as to where he was. He searched for people, couldn't find any!

Despite of the mental stress that was continually growing, he wasn't feeling the heat, no, he wasn't. Bliss in the air!

Something had happened, he wasn't sure what.

And then he saw a heavenly figure, a figure he always saw in movies as a disguise for God.

"Am I dead?", said Rohan.

Yes, he saw God, he was in heaven, yes, he was dead!!!

He looked down, slowly, he was hovering in the air. He wanted to cry, but couldn't. He wanted to cry, but couldn't. His mind was, time and again, getting back to the work undone, to the work left unfinished on Earth.

It was high time that his senses be placated. God walked up to him and asked, "Regrets?"

Rohan: No, but please let me cry once.

God: Why do you want to cry?

Rohan: Because throughout my life, I have been driven by emotions, Everything I did, everything I pursued. And now when I see myself, I feel helpless but cannot cry, I feel dejected but cannot weep.

God: It's because you are in Heaven, in a paradise, where you need not think about what went by. You just need to celebrate your good deeds.

Rohan: But what about the people who were dependent on me, what about the circumstances that were held stable because I was there, what about the vacuum that has got created in lives of those for whom I had become a habit.

God: Time heals everything. You were there because you were needed to be. Now, when your part has been played by you, it is time that you relax and enjoy here.

I know there is a mother who is weeping, I know there is a father who is trying hard to control his tears, I know there are so many people who are raining tears downstairs, but I know there is someone to fill the vacuum created by your demise, I know there is someone who will fit in the circumstances and bring to equilibrium providing stability to all the turbulence caused. That someone was chosen by you when you were alive.

Yes, the angel you chose. She will fit in there, in your place, everywhere.

If you want me to let your eyes unblock the route for your tears, then I'll have to do the same for her as well, because even she hasn't fallen a tear since your departure. And to add to this, she doesn't even have a soothing ambience to calm her down.

On hearing this, the prick in the heart increased before finally resting down. He smiled thinking about her, his angel, and though it was difficult, but he smiled thinking that a person replacing him (downstairs) will be replicating his emotions (upstairs). 

Yes, he smiled!!